I Sang Holy, Holy
by the road to damascus
Summary: Logan's deep seated anger towards his father manifests itself in a way Rory never thought possible. Not nice. Set during season six. Warning: This story deals with sexual and domestic violence and abuse. Read with caution.
1. Man On My Back

Summary: Logan's deep-seated anger towards his father manifests itself in a way Rory never thought possible. Not nice. Set during season six.

Disclaimer: Ownership, etc. belongs to ASP and friends. The title is taken from the Tori Amos song "Me and a Gun" which is subject matter related.

**I Sang Holy, Holy**

Rory Gilmore unlocked the door to the apartment she shared with her boyfriend Logan Huntzberger. "Logan? Are you here? How did the meeting with your father go?" she rang out while starting to unload everything in her arms.

"There you are. I've been waiting for you to get home." He was by the bed in their loft, gazing across the room at her. His voice was a hiss and she shivered involuntarily; something about him seemed different, she couldn't tell what. His usually warm brown eyes glittered black as he motioned for her to come over to him. Rory complied, dropping her bag and books by the couch.

"Logan, I can't stay, I need to go back to the library to—" She was cut off by his bruising lips on hers, his hand forcefully holding her head to his.

"No." His voice was hard: it carried none of the playful teasing it usually did when he was trying to persuade her to do something.

"No, Logan, I really have to finish my paper." Her objections went unheard.

"You're staying here." He pushed her jacket off her shoulders, his knees walking her towards the bed until she was leaning back over it. He started on her shirt, roughly pulling and grabbing at the fabric while trying to force it over her head. He gave up, and squeezed her shoulders tightly.

"Logan, you're hurting me."

"I don't care," he growled. "It's going to be about what I want, for a change, and I want you. Right now."

"And if I don't?"

"Not an option." With that he pushed her all the way back on the bed. "Take off your skirt. Now!"

"Logan, please, you're scaring me, please don't do this," Rory pleaded. He advanced on her, not waiting for her to remove her own skirt but instead tearing it and her underwear off her and pinning her legs down with his knees. He had taken off all his own clothes as he was moving toward, and his erection was jabbing her in the stomach. Her own body betrayed her as she felt all the heat rush to her face and wetness pooling in her center, which Logan noticed as well.

"You're wet for me, you want it, you can't deny it," he whispered tauntingly, his hands pinning hers above her head. His eyes seemed to look at her, but not see her, and Rory was petrified of this rage haze he was in. One of his hands reached down to roughly swipe up through her folds and then pinched her clit hard. "He may control me, but I can control _you_."

He continued to plunge his fingers in and out of her, and Rory struggled against the now weaker grip he had on her wrists. She managed to get one hand free and started punching at his shoulders, scratching at him. "Get off of me! You're hurting me!"

"Do not fight me," he growled menacingly before bit down on her neck.

Rory knew then that this wasn't a game and this wasn't going to be over until he got what he wanted. She ceased her struggles, hoping that if she appeared to be compliant he would finish sooner and she would hurt less. She had never seen this side of him, never seen him this angry and with such a need for domination. It was the most scared she had ever been. She didn't know when she had started crying, but the rivers of salt water trailed down her face and burned the bite marks and scratches on her neck.

Logan reached for her hips. "Turn over." It was another order, and she must have not moved fast enough because it was repeated with a hard slap on the side of her leg. "I said, turn over!" She scrambled in the bed, looking for something to hold on to, that she could distract herself with, when she felt him grab her ass and pull her towards him. Rory was completely unprepared for his entire length to impale her all at once, sending a searing pain through the middle of her body. He invaded her again and again, the force of his thrusts pushing her face into the pillow she desperately clung to. She was sobbing now, but it was muffled by the pillow. She was thankful for that, certain that if he heard them she would be hurting even more than she already was.

Logan's thrusts became erratic; he was almost there, thank _god_ for that. She didn't think she could take much more before she completely _broke_. He slammed into her one last time before emitting a "Holy fuck, Rory!" and a series of grunts. He emptied himself inside of her and then immediately pushed her off him like she was just a common whore to use, abuse and leave.

Rory lay there, face smashed into the pillow, still crying for what seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes. She could hear Logan trying to catch his breath beside her, but she didn't think she could look at him just yet. She finally raised her head from the pillow only to see him staring at her, his eyes wide.

"I think I'm going to go stay at my mom's tonight." She winced in anticipation of the anger and possible violence that was sure to follow such defiance, but it never came.

"Rory, I'm so, so sorry," Logan tried, reaching over to touch her arm.

"No, Logan, that was unforgivable. We'll talk about this tomorrow when you're completely out of this rage blackout you're in." Her voice was eerily calm given the thousand emotions that were swirling around inside her at that moment. She dressed hastily and grabbed her coat and bag and walked out of the apartment without a backward glance.

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"What the fuck just happened in here, mate?" Finn asked as he opened the apartment door. "We just saw Rory racing out of the building, crying, looking awfully disheveled." He and Colin stopped when they saw Logan sitting at the edge of the bed, still naked, staring at his hands. He looked up, brown eyes sad and full of disbelief.

"I think I…" Logan trailed off.

"You think you what?" Colin asked.

"I think I just raped Rory."

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AN: Obviously, I am a little twisted. Review and tell me what you think! There will probably be a few chapters, as Rory and Logan clearly need some rehabilitation and closure, but this was started on a whim so I have no idea where to take the next step. Suggestions and reviews are always welcome!

margaret


	2. Egypt

Thanks so much for all the reviews! It took me a long time to figure out where I was going with this fic; who knew creative writing was such work? I am not a writer; I make no pretenses there. The last thing I wrote was entitled "Self-assembly of peptide porphyry complexes: toward the development of smart biomaterials" which appeared in Journal of the American Chemical Society, so needless to say, my talents lie elsewhere. To give a bit more context here, this is season six post-VV, but there was no Mitchum/Logan show down, so Rory does not know about London yet.

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**I Sang Holy, Holy**

**Chapter 2: Egypt**

"You what?!" "You think?!" Colin and Finn shouted at Logan at the same time. Logan was still sitting there, mouth open, eyes staring off.

"What do you mean, you think?" Colin questioned again. "And throw on some clothes, man."

"I don't know!" shouted Logan, as he got up to put his boxers and a shirt on. "Oh geez." There was broken glass and plates throughout the kitchen, picture frames and his model ship knocked off the table next to the window, and more destruction of their things all around the apartment.

"And what the hell else happened here?" Finn added, noticing the damage as well.

"I don't know, okay? I don't know if we even had sex! All I remember is coming home from meeting with the Dark Lord and the cable was out and then…"

"And then what?" Colin prompted.

"And then…Rory…" he choked at her name, "Rory was naked, crying, face down in a pillow and I was trying to catch my breath." Logan felt incredibly frustrated at not being able to remember what happened in the what, 15 minutes, between when he got home and when Rory left. Something bad had obviously taken place, and it was probably what he thought it was, but…

Colin and Finn watched as realization flooded their friend's face. "You know what happened, Logan," Colin said gently.

"No…" Logan breathed.

"Egypt's not really a good vacation spot for this kind of situation, my friend."

"That hasn't happened to me in almost ten years. I thought I was over having those episodes."

"It's going to be okay," Colin assured him. He started picking up the broken things in an effort to straighten up the place, to maybe help Logan clear his mind. "We should get him out of here," he said in an aside to Finn.

"No it won't. She said it was unforgivable. I can't lose her, but I know, I now she's going to leave me."

"Nah, she won't," Finn interjected. "She loves you. And I think she gets you. She'll understand that this wasn't you, that you had no idea what you were doing."

"Hopefully."

"And, uh, do you maybe think that you should maybe talk to Dr. Holtzberg?"

"No! I'm over that! It was just this one time. I'm never going back to that. I'm better, I swear. It was just a slip up. You know dealing with my father has never been my strong point." Logan finished getting dressed and walked to the apartment door. "Rory's not coming back tonight, so what do you say we go out and get shitfaced." There was a skeptical look on both Colin and Finn's faces. "Guys, just let me deal with this my own way."

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Rory barely made it to her car before she collapsed against the door and slid to the ground. She could hardly register what had just happened—that was not her Logan. Her Logan, while reckless when it came to drinking, partying, and stupid LDB stunts, had never been violent, especially not towards her. The sight of him, eyes callous and black, body rigid and demanding, was petrifying, he was so overpowering. That was what had been so scary—how quietly he moved and how soft his voice was when he was threatening her.

Rory choked back another sob and finally noticed how on fire her body felt. Pushing herself off the ground was an extraordinarily difficult task. Taking another step sent not a little bit of pain shooting down her legs and swirling between her hips. Rory opened the door to her car and gingerly sat down in the driver's seat. She was about to start the ignition when she realized there was probably and external manifestation of all the injury Logan inflicted upon her—bruising around her neck and arms, and she didn't want to think what her lower half looked like.

_I just want to sleep_, Rory thought desperately. _ Go to sleep and forget this crappy day every happened._ She was about to dial her mother to tell her she was coming home when she stopped, realizing with a start that Lorelai would take one look at her and start asking a million questions, none of which she wanted or even knew how to answer. How could she tell her that her own boyfriend has forced her to have sex with him, much less use the word "rape" in that conversation. If her mother had inherited one thing from Emily Gilmore it was the often-annoying capability to ask questions and press the issue until she just blurted out the truth just to get her to stop talking.

So home was out, as was Paris, considering they had yet to reconcile after the whole editorship debacle. Juliet and Rosemary were really Colin and Finn's friends, and therefore Logan's. She hadn't talked to Marty in forever, and, was it possible she didn't have any friends of her own at Yale?

_Lane's!_ She thought happily. _I should go to Lane's._ Rory ran there after her other fight with Logan, when she wasn't speaking to her mother, and she was nice, understanding, and most importantly, didn't ask too many questions.

"Lane?" Rory asked when she answered the phone. "Can I crash with you tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, come on over. We're just finishing up band practice. Aren't you at school? Any reason why?"

"Oh, you know, we haven't hung out in a while, and I just need to get away from the apartment," Rory said evasively.

"Okay, you leaving now?"

"Yeah, see you in half an hour."

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Lane's apartment with the funny and relaxed duo of Zach and Brian had been just what she needed. Lane had, of course, taken one look at Rory's appearance and bloodshot eyes and raised her eyebrows, but luckily she seemed to accept the noncommittal "Logan and I got in a fight" that Rory offered as an explanation. Video games accompanied by girly bonding time seemed to lift her spirits enough that she was ready to drive back to Yale the next day, but the thought of the conversation that had to take place was enough to dampen them.

Rory opened the door to their apartment hoping against hope that Logan wasn't there so she could just quickly change and grab her books for her class. Unfortunately she was met with a quiet "hi" from the desk where he appeared to be studying.

"Hi," she repeated back to him.

"So, I guess we should…"

"No." Rory put up a hand to stop him. "I'm not ready yet. I need some time to think. I can't be around you right now, so I'm going to get my stuff tomorrow and hopefully go back to living with Paris."

"We're breaking up?"

"We'll talk when I'm ready."

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Tell me what you think! Suggestions, comments, etc. are always welcome.

margaret


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